Virgo
(Aug. 24-Sept. 23)
We regret to announce that, sadly, due to commercial considerations, we can no longer supply a free zodiac forecast on this page every month. From now on, the very reasonable sum of just $10 will be charged for every word you read. So far today you have read more than 50 words. So as a special introductory discount offer, we'll make that a straight $400 that you now owe the publishers of this page. Happy with that? Of course not! Nor should you be happy with the other outrageous demand that is being made of you this month. It is every bit as much of a joke--so don't take it so seriously!
Libra
(Sept. 24-Oct. 23)
Cover up the rest of this page. Stop yourself from reading even one more sentence. There! Now I can say anything I want because you are not looking, are you? Hey! That's naughty. Oh well, never mind. We have, I think, proved the point. It is almost impossible not to look at what's in front of us. And of course it's just as hard to see that little bit farther. If I forbid you from reading next month's prediction this month, you'll find it easy to comply. Because you can't read it now! My point? You are now jumping to uncomfortable conclusions. Don't. In May, more information will change your perspective for the better.
Scorpio
(Oct. 24-Nov. 22)
There's an old saying: "You might as well be hanged for a sheep as a lamb." Even vegetarians understand this, though we have our own more delicate version: "You might as well be told off very fiercely for stealing a cabbage as a Brussels sprout." You can phrase it any way you like; the point remains the same: If something is worth doing, it is worth doing well. And if it isn't, why do it at all? You're worried this month that you may end up going too far. But better that than not far enough. It's true that you face a daunting obstacle. But there's a way around it if you are prepared to be bold.